She still sleeps beside me every night. She used to sleep on top of me. She would wake up if she wasn’t touching me. If I went to the bathroom she would howl and scream and wake up the house. She would fight me, she would hit, bite herself, pull out chunks of her hair and scream for hours at bedtime. Now she gets rocked to sleep by one of her big sisters. She often wakes up if I leave the bed, to go to the bathroom or to take care of her baby sister. She sees me, smiles and falls back asleep.
She didn’t play or engage with the other toddlers in our home. She was flat, quite and reserved. She now plays and engages with her siblings. She playfully becomes a cat with them, or roars like a dinosaur. She will run to me for no reason and give me a running hug. She will do running hugs over and over until my arms ache. I never stop it, I let her keep coming. They all usually start and I have an endless stream of toddlers running and throwing themselves in my arms.
She used to scream if I left the room. She still does sometimes but she often can be reassured that I’ll be right back. There were so many negative behaviors, it made it hard to bond. I wanted to give up over and over. Instead I asked for help and prayed. I prayed every single time I interacted with her that my heart would open to her. That I could be enough for her. That I could handle the forever when I couldn’t even see how to get through the day without crying. I remember making peace with the fact that she was going to be my child forever. I was terrified and I didn’t feel the same joy that I felt when another child became ours for forever. Honestly I felt terrified about the future but I also couldn’t be the one to cause her more trauma.
The healing was slow but her progress is amazing! She’s talking, laughing, smiling and full of joy. She rarely hurts herself or others and she has the sweetest little disposition. I’m so excited that I get to make her and her sister mine forever. I was terrified of what our future held because of all her behaviors and the trauma she’s been through. It’s been absolutely amazing to watch her transform. I 100% know that these children can heal. It’s amazing to see it happening in my home. I’m so glad that you are a resource for our family.