I remember the early days of foster care. I remember when God called us to open our home to vulnerable children. I remember going through the training classes and trying to figure out the foster care system which seemed foreign and confusing (still does sometimes!). I remember when we got our official license, and I remember when Mary from DCFS called us about a 5 month old little boy who needed a place to go the next day.
In those early days, I was so sure of our calling. I knew this was the path God had called us to, and I couldn’t wait to see how God would write our story.
I also remember when life suddenly became really, really difficult. I remember finding out I was pregnant 10 days after this sweet boy came to our home. I remember trying to muddle through our first experience with foster care while feeling exhausted, emotional, sleep-deprived, and overwhelmed. I remember two weeks into our first placement when my preschooler got the stomach flu and vomited off the top bunk in the middle of the night. I remember when DCFS called and told us to prepare for the baby to leave our home. I remember grieving and trying to understand what God was doing. Honestly, I remember wondering on multiple occasions if we’d made a huge mistake and ruined our lives.
And really, all this wondering started when life got hard.
It’s a strange thing, but we have a tendency to evaluate whether we are genuinely following God based on whether the journey is easy or hard. When life gets hard, we wonder if “God is closing the door” or if we misunderstood the call from the beginning.
This is strange because God never promised life would be easy if we follow Him. The truth is that He promised it would be hard.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. -John 16:33
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. -Luke 9:23
You see, I’m okay with the idea of life being hard when I follow God, but I struggle with the reality. I’m okay with the movie-type version of struggle: dramatic music playing in the background, lasts approximately 2 hours, and a solid redemption scene at the end. But that’s not how it feels when life really gets hard.
It feels like you’re drowning. It feels like you’ve wrecked your life. It feels like life might never be okay again. The hard stuff really is hard. There is no magic pill to make it feel easy. It’s just hard.
Over time, God taught me to look at the cross. I began to recognize that when Jesus followed God’s path for Him, it led Him to the cross. I began to realize that just because something is hard doesn’t mean you’re not doing the right thing. In fact, it may mean that you’re exactly where God wants you to be.